HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Or, you know…Happy…May…or whatever month it is for you right now when you’re sitting down to read. And for the purposes of this post, it makes no difference when you’re reading this. This is because no matter what time of year it is for you right now, January, June, or December, you’ve got something in common with me and every other person reading this. If you haven’t already broken your New Year Resolution this year, history tells us that you soon will. And honestly, the later in the year it is for you, the more likely it is that you’ve done it already.
The New Years Resolution isn’t all its cracked up to be!
New Year’s Resolutions are as ingrained in our lives as any other tradition you can imagine. But the truth is that they aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. At the end of every year, you put together a list of things that you’d like to accomplish in the next 12 months. You’re never going to smoke again. No more Judge Judy (who hasn’t been there?!). You decide that you’re going to lose 10 pounds…and you’re serious this time!
If you add up the pounds that I’ve resolved to lose over the years, it will outweigh the Philadelphia Eagles Defensive Line. And I’m talking about back when they had Corey Simon! (If you don’t know…Google him)
There’s a host of other items that commonly wind up on people’s list each year. Find a better job. Spend more time with your family. Learn a new language. Finally save enough for retirement. The list goes on! And everyone’s list is different. But with practically every list in existence, across the country and around the world, they all have one thing in common. At least one of those promises that you have made to yourself will be broken.
Have you ever had someone approach you and say that they’ve just accomplished the final goal they’d set for themselves that year? It’s never happened to me and I’ve never done it myself. Less than half of all people hold true to their New Years Resolutions. For most, failure is inevitable. This is especially so with the diet, traditionally the number one resolution. I probably break this one by 2pm on the 2nd of January on any given year. Every time I open the freezer, that tub of Edy’s Double Fudge Brownie just stares me down with conviction that I simply don’t have the power to overcome. I don’t stand a chance. That stuff is GOOOOOD! It doesn’t help that I open the freezer just to look at it every once in a while. But that’s neither here, nor there.
(You’re thinking about going out to get ice cream now, aren’t you? Go get some and come back. I’ll wait.)
Alas, my weak-willed friends, you need not worry! I’ve found a loophole in the New Years Resolution Rulebook. There’s even a name for it. In fact, I just made it up. It’s called…
The Elasticity Clause – A Solution to New Years Resolutions
In short, The Elasticity Clause states a simple truth. Resolutions can happen whenever the hell you want them to!
New Years Day is only one day in the year. It happens to be the first day, and that makes it a prime target for the listing of resolutions. It also sucks that the other 364 days of the year inevitably get neglected.
(What about May? May likes resolutions too! Poor little May.)
But resolutions don’t only have to be made on the first of the year. You can stretch that date out as far as it will go until it runs right into the back of December 31st. When it comes to resolutions, January 1st is elastic. January 1st can be any day of the year that you want it to be.
As humans, we don’t like to be told what to do. But society has told us that the new year is the time when we start anew, even if you’re not ready. The problem lies with the amount of pressure we put on ourselves to follow through on these resolutions. Once we break that promise to ourselves, we beat ourselves up over that failure that we stop ourselves from even considering it as an option again for an entire year…when the next New Years Even rolls around. The Elasticity Clause gives you the flexibility to make these resolutions any time you want.
When I was twenty years old, my resolution was to quit smoking. I lasted less than a week. When I was twenty-one years old I tried again. I lasted maybe a day. When I was twenty-two years old, I bagged the “quit smoking” resolution altogether, knowing full well that I’d be lighting up before it even struck midnight in the next time zone.
Two months later, I started dating the woman that I’d later marry. Within a few months I had smoked my last smoke. Why the sudden change of heart? Well, the prospect of her not staying with me because of my smoking gave me a true motivation. But this didn’t happen on January 1st. It wasn’t even the first day of summer. Hell, I don’t even remember what day it was. But I know that I didn’t need it to be the first day of anything to decide that it was the first day that I’d be cigarette free.
That’s the beauty of The Elasticity Clause. You can stretch New Years out to any point in the year. You make that resolution when you’re damn well good and ready. You can decide today that you’re ready to find a new job. You can decide next week that it’s time to re-do the bathroom. You could even decide right this second that it’s time to start cutting yourself a break sometimes and not beat yourself up because you had trouble breaking some habits that you’ve had for fifteen or twenty years.
You can do what you want when you want. You are your own person. Who feels like starting a diet on January 1st anyway? You’re hungover and all you really want is a large Wawa coffee and some greasy food. You probably don’t even feel like getting up off of the couch for it! You don’t feel like eating fruit. And you sure as hell don’t feel like going to the gym!
So right off the bat you’re feeling like a failure. And you don’t need to! I’ve already written that Failure is NOT a bad thing. Tie that notion into the existence of the Elasticity Clause and you’ve got an equation for success.
Remember… Failure Now = Success Later!
So screw January 1st! What does January 1st know? Nothing! January 1st is a lazy bum that takes off from work every single year. It has never worked a day in its life! You have absolutely no reason to give it any power over your well-being.
If you have made a list filled with lofty resolutions that can change your life for the better, and broke half of those resolutions before you could say Boston Cream, don’t beat yourself up. You recognized that you have something you’d like to change about yourself. And that makes you successful already! Making that change isn’t going to happen overnight. But deciding to make that change can happen in an instant. And in that instant, you just improved your life. You can resolve to change yourself at any moment in time.
This isn’t to say that you should tear up that list of resolutions and toss it in the circular file. The traditional New Year’s Resolution does have plenty of merit. And if you can stick to it, that’s awesome! Hold on to that paper and hold true to as many of them as you can. One of them may change your life. But if at some point next week you light up that smoke or take a bite out of that donut, don’t be upset. You just weren’t ready. You’ve only been practicing for when you are. Maybe that moment when you take that bite will be when you decide that you’re ready. It can be anytime!
Just remember the Elasticity Clause. Because sometime down the road your mind will tell you that it’s time. And instead of saying, “I’ll wait until next year.” You can say, “It is next year!”
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